2002 Paul Perkins

The cardinal is a protected bird in the state of Kentucky.  Killing one would result in a stiff fine.  Um... let's just say that illegal activity portrayed on this site was faked.  This site is a parody of hunting and war media.  If you think I actually killed a bird and buried it somewhere on my 45 acres of woodland you are wrong.  If you want to prove me a liar, get a search warrant, get a shovel, and knock yourself out.

The story...
Moving from Los Angeles to rural Kentucky was sort of a change.  The only time I saw cardinals in L.A. was when they were playing against the Dodgers.  Little did I know that real cardinals were malicious harbingers of pestilence and crap.

We bought this house two years ago.  Shortly after moving in a bright red (male) cardinal started a daily attack on the windows in our living room.  It flies from window to window.  We assume it attacks it's own reflection.

The bird doesn't limit itself to living room windows.  It loves the side mirrors on cars.  When my cousin went overseas with the military he left his Chevy Blazer at my place for safe keeping.  The cardinal attacked the driver's side mirror with such force that it cracked the glass.  Did you know that the glass mirror on a Chevy Blazer cannot be replaced?  I had to purchase the entire mirror unit, motor and all.  Those things are expensive to purchase and have installed!  The cardinal's fate was sealed when I wrote out the check for the mirror replacement.  The only good red is a dead red!  Let the cold war begin.