Application to live in Kentucky

    Name:__________________________ Nickname:_______________________________
 
    CB Handle:_____________________
 
    Address (RFD No.):_________________--___________________________________
 
    Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):____________________________________
 
    Mamma:_________________________
 
    Neck Shade:     _____Light Red       _____Medium Red       _____Dark Red
 
    Number of teeth exposed in full grin:       Upper_____     Lower_____
 
    Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________
 
    Truck equipped with:
    ____Gun Rack            ____4-Wheel Drive       ____Confederate Flag
    ____Cassette Deck       ____Load of Wood        ____Hijacker Shocks
    ____Radar Detector      ____Mag Wheels          ____Dual CB Antennas
    ____Spittoon            ____Camper Top          ____Air Horns
    ____Mud Flaps           ____Toothpick Holder    ____Mud-Grip Tires
    ____Raccoon Hide        ____Big Dog
 
    Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____
 
    BUMPER STICKERS:
    ____Eat more Possum             ____My other car is a piece of shit too
    ____Honk if you love Jesus      ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit
    ____Redman Chewing Tobacco      ____Guns Don't Kill People, I Do.
 
    Define the following (must be 90% correct):
    1. Grits        6. Sawmill Gravy        11. Cobbler     16. Tater
    2. Goobers      7. Turnip Salad         12. Fatback     17. Pig Skins
    3. Pinto Beans  8. Shit-on-a-Shingle    13. Tote        18. Okrie
    4. Collards     9. Redeye Gravy         14. Chickin' Fry19. Shonuf
    5. Sidemeat     10. Soppin' Syrup       15. Poke        20. Chitlins
 
    Favorite Vocalist:
    ____Reba McEntire       ____Conway Twitty       ____Loretta Lynn
    ____Hank Williams Jr.   ____Randy Travis        ____Ray Wylie Hubbard
    ____Tammy Wynette       ____Slim Whitman        ____Porter Wagoner
    ____Willie Nelson       ____George Jones        ____Box Car Willie
 
    Favorite Recreation:
    ____Square Dancin'      ____Possum Huntin'      ____Skinny Dippin'
    ____Craw Daddin'        ____Gospel Singin'      ____4-Wheelin'
    ____Drankin'            ____Spittin' Backy      ____Bill Chip Throwin'
    ____Honky Tonkin'       ____Noodlin'            ____Other
 
    Name of Son(s):   ____Bubba   ____Jim Bob    ____LeeRoy   ____J.D.
 
    Name of Daughter(s):  ____PammySue   ____Violet   ____Paulette ____Daisy
 
    Weapons Owned:
    ___Deer Rifle   ___Sawed-Off Shotgun    ___Varmint Rifle ___Log Cabin
    ___Tire Iron    ___Power Chain Saw      ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry Switch
 
    Number of Dogs:____    Type:    ___Blue Tick    ___Beagle
                                    ___Black & Tan  ___Bird Dawg
 
    Cap Emblem:     ___John Deer    ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser
                    ___Vo-Tech      ___Skoal                ___Coors
                    ___NAPA         ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear
 
    Number of Dependents:    Legal:________         Claimed:_________
 
    Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________
 
    Number of Welfare Checks Received:____________
 
    Memberships:
    ___FFA          ___NRA          ___Moose        ___PTL Club     ___AA
    ___BASS         ___United Sons n' Daughters of the Confederacy
    ___John Birch Society
 
    Length of Right leg:________            Length of Left leg:__________
 
    Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of
    Primer Red?  ___Yes    ___No
 
    How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______
 
    How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________
 
    Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?____________
 
    Do you own any shoes?   ____Yes    ____No    If yes, how many?__________
 
    What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________
 
    Are you married to any of the following:
    ____Sister      ____Cousin      ____Sow
 
    Do you know her name?________________
 
    Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?____________
 
    Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?___________
 
    Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________
 
    If so, why?_____________________________________________________________
 
    Can you count:  Past 10 with your shoes on?_________________
 
    Do you know any words that have more than four letters?_________________
 
    Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?_________________________
 
    Medical Information:
    Do you have at least two of the following:
    ___BO           ___Head Lice    ___Rabies
    ___Trench Mouth ___Runny Nose   ___Bad Breath

IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE STATE OF KENTUCKY, YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE IN THE STATE OF WEST ALABAMA. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER. HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT KENTUCKY.