Man Vs Mouse
© 2000 Paul Perkins
I remember something from
science class about how scientists are supposed to do something called
"research." Research means "to search
again." Once I find whatever it is I'm looking for, I stop
looking. Scientists aren't all that bright.
I decided to down a few beers and search the Internet
for mouse killing tactics. I went to several search engines and
popped in the keyword "mousetrap." Damn... it's amazing
how many sites use the word "mousetrap" yet have absolutely
nothing to do with trapping a mouse. I found a schematic on the
Mousetrap board game, a site that claims mouse
traps are illegal in Colorado, and countless mousetrap car sites.
I did learn that "a
mouse normally travels an area averaging 10 to 30 feet in diameter,"
which pretty much limits the critter to the perimeter of my shed.
(I made the statements into clickable links so that I could show my
source. In science, unlike mafia drug deals, it's cool to reveal
I downed several more beers during the Internet
search which made me feel especially scientific. Science is a
maaaaaagical experience. I deducted (another scientific
term for guessing) that sites having to do with trapping mice would have
"mouse" and "trap" in their web address. First
I tried www.mousetrap.com
and got some junky site. No luck, so I grabbed yet another beer
and tried www.mouse-trap.com.
Holy crap! I applaud the Mouse-trap.com people for their insight!
I didn't think they'd be on to me so quickly! (Edit: At the time I wrote this it was a site dedicated to helping those with alcohol addiction.)
I decided to lay off the beer for awhile and
play with my puppies for awhile.
Shadow about rips my thumb off. Siren unties my shoe. My
wife laughed wildly as the puppies nearly tore me apart. They're
all out to get me!