The Big Bang Theory

The Target
The Tools
The Theory
Prequel A
Prequel B
Prequel C

2002 Paul Perkins

March 16, 2002

My brain is in a jar too.  When they go to reanimate me, pray that they don't get confused.My brain is in a jar.
 This was project supposed to be "The Cardinal Sin Project."  My plans for that project have been delayed.  I was going to devise ways of eliminating a crimson feathered menace from attacking the windows in my living room.  However every great scientist has her or his nemesis (notice how I used the female participle first?  That's very politically correct of me.). Einstein had to flee Europe because of Hitler.  The brilliant Mr. Freeze had Batman.  Me, I have my wife.

  My wife is what some would classify as a hippie.  She rescues worms from puddles when it rains.  She's a vegetarian.  She eats tofu and soy nuts.  I don't know what a soy is, but if you're going to eat that part of the critter I'd think you'd at least eat a chicken leg or two.

  My wife said that if I kill the cardinal (a protected bird in my state) she will personally report me to the authorities. I exclaimed that I wasn't going to club a baby seal. A cardinal is just a pooping rat with red feathers. She didn't buy into my logic so I did what any generation X'er would have done... I gave up before I even started.

  My wife is in Chicago with her mother and sister.  It's my opportunity to watch stupid movies, track mud around the kitchen, waste time on the Internet, eat junk food, take the dogs on a hike, *not* work on the addition, and attempt to science something to death.  Since she's gone, the science can be wild.  Unfortunately, if I kill any protected animals and publish it, she'd eventually find out and report me.  However, that doesn't mean I can't play with guns.